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My spouse wishes a lover that is lesbian can it end our wedding?


For 12 years, my relationship with my partner was a good one in all aspects. We love one another dearly and our sex life is excellent.

But about eight months ago my partner began to ask in a playful, non-serious way the way I would feel concerning the notion of having an other woman join us for sex sessions. I was thinking she was joking and reacted consequently.

3 months ago my spouse told me she had started to realise that she had been bisexual. She asked again the way I felt about an other woman joining us every once in awhile, or about her having a relationship with a woman occasionally if I was not comfortable with this, how would I felt?

She assured me personally it could never ever impact the quality of our relationship whatsoever.

We informed her I happened to be unhappy about either situation, but by surprise and I needed some time to think about it that she had taken me. Soon a short while later I informed her that i really could maybe not are now living in a relationship where either my wife or myself involved in almost any intimate relationship with other people.

I am aware that many males would love the idea probably of having two females during intercourse, however it’s vital that you me personally which our sex life stays ‘ours only’. Within my heart personally i think that it would spell the end of the relationship in the long run if she took another lover.

Fourteen days ago my partner dropped another bombshell.

She explained over since our last discussion and she felt I was being unfair that she had been thinking it. She stated the simple fact that she understands she actually is bisexual implies that in spite of how much we love each other, with no matter exactly how good our sex life is, she can never ever be fully fulfilled within one element of her life.

She claims she seems so it’s just adultery if she would be to rest with another guy, nevertheless the really undeniable fact that we have always been male means it is impossible for me to fulfil her in this facet of her sexuality, and she should always be permitted to explore this part of her nature.

I stuck to my guns about this matter, but she stated that she felt that she will have to end the wedding, against her desires, because she needed to at the least experience sex with a female. That’s where we left it.

Have always been i truly being unreasonable become so against her having a feminine fan? We can’t stay the basic notion of losing her, particularly when she doesn’t want our relationship to finish. Am we being unfair to her or less than understanding to not ever permit the wedding to keep if she has a feminine lover?


David writes:

You are in a situation that is awful and I also’m really sorry certainly to know about any of it. No, I do not think you are being at all ‘unreasonable’ or ‘unfair’. Numerous husbands wouldn’t are as understanding as you have been, and could have simply ‘gone from the deep end’.

By the real means, from previous experience, I would state it really is very most most likely that your particular spouse currently has many other girl at heart. She might even went a way later on up to a real relationship with her.

This will be all extremely unfortunate, since there is a high opportunity that it will end up in the termination of one’s wedding. The hope that is best could be for you personally as well as your missus to get together for counselling. Relate are accustomed to coping with these ‘three in a bed’ problems and they’ve got branches in your county.

Christine adds:

I too have always been extremely sorry to listen to of the situation. It appears in my experience that anything you do, or whatever your lady chooses to accomplish, your relationship is not likely to be just like it had been.

Nonetheless, that will not suggest this has to be terrible. Personally I think that with such love while you have actually between you, it could be possible to save lots of the wedding, though it is really not likely to be effortless.

I would personally say that Relate counselling is essential. Could I also claim that you contact an organization called FFLAG. This means Friends and groups of Lesbians and Gays. They should be in a position to offer somebody so that you could communicate with – somebody who has undergone everything you’re needing to straighten out now. Their helpline figures are 01454 852418 or 00845-6520314.

You have had a hell of the surprise, but as you say your spouse happens to be honest to you – in terms of we are able to tell. And that means you do need certainly to ask yourself if you’re willing to work hard to save lots of your wedding. If you should be to truly save it, it will need compromise on both edges.

Dr David Delvin, GP, and Christine Webber, intercourse and relationships expert